Sitting With Discomfort Solves A Surprising Number Of Problems

Pull up a chair and get uncomfortable.

Photo by Willian Justen de Vasconcellos on Unsplash

A few weeks ago, I posted this note:

And let’s just say… it resonated.

Like, really resonated.

As of writing this, it’s racked up 170 likes, 8 restacks, and (most importantly) 33 comments from you fine people. (And yes, that’s a lot for me, okay? Let me have this. 😂)

Since this is clearly a hot topic, I thought we could dive a little deeper together.

First, I want to share what was going through my head when I wrote it. Then we’ll dig into some of your responses and explore this same idea from a few different angles.

My Take…

When I wrote that note, I was contemplating how often we compound our problems by treating discomfort itself as a problem.

Something happens. It creates discomfort. And now, “Houston, we have a problem multiple problems.”

Instead of letting the discomfort exist long enough to move through it—or long enough to actually address what’s underneath—we label the discomfort itself as something that needs to be fixed.

And suddenly we’re dealing with two problems instead of one.

We double down.

There’s problem number one: the original issue.

And then there’s problem number 2: the fact that it feels bad.

So our attention shifts. And now we’re not resolving the real issue. Instead, we’re trying to make the icky feeling go away.

How do I make this discomfort go away?

How do I stop this anxious feeling?

How do I get rid of this pain?

That’s where things get complicated.

Because when the goal becomes “alleviate the discomfort,” we often end up avoiding the very thing that would actually resolve the original problem.

Let’s take uncomfortable conversations for example. There’s the issue itself: something that needs to be said, clarified, addressed. Then there’s the discomfort: the anticipation, the anxiety, the vulnerability of actually being in that moment.

If we decide the discomfort is the problem, we solve that by avoiding the conversation. And in doing so, the root issue never gets touched. The discomfort fades temporarily, but the problem stays intact… and potentially worsens.

Discomfort isn’t meant to be a punishment or a malfunction. It’s information. It’s fuel.

It’s the pressure we need to move us toward change, not away from it. Without it, we stay stuck. There’s nothing motivating us to make a shift.

So when we allow discomfort to exist (within reason, obviously) we immediately simplify things. We cut the number of problems in half. The discomfort is no longer something that needs to be managed or eliminated. It’s just part of the process.

And paradoxically, that’s what makes it easier to actually do the thing: have the conversation, make the change, take the action that resolves the real issue. Because the discomfort is giving you the drive to get there.

Relieving discomfort just to feel better in the moment? = Avoidance.
Relieving discomfort as the natural byproduct of addressing the issue? = Resolution.

So that’s what I meant when I wrote that sitting with discomfort solves a surprising number of problems. It’s not that discomfort magically fixes things, but that the moment we stop treating it as the enemy, our energy stops getting diluted, and we can finally deal with what actually matters.

Now Your Turn…

To start… I love the simple truth of this statement by Charlie 🕊️ .

Discomfort has an incredible amount of power over us—our emotions, our decisions, our relationships. It quietly steers more of our behavior than we like to admit.

Until it doesn’t.

Until we decide we’re willing to sit with the unknown. With the painful feelings. With the sensations we’d normally rush to escape.

That’s when something shifts and our agency returns.

Ahh yes… then there’s always this classic inconvenient truth offered by Golden Goat Metaphysics.

Discomfort is often a sign that we’re at our edge… the outer boundary of our comfort zone. We’re at a pivot point where growth is wanting to take place.

What if we embraced that instead of running from it?

When we feel unsettled, what if we saw it as a sign that we’re standing on the precipice of meaningful change? Should we choose to accept the challenge of course.

Ok, we need to talk about this comment from Joseph Esposito. There’s a lot here that’s too important to skip over.

Sometimes discomfort is simply a signal that something is different. That’s it.

The nervous system doesn’t love change. It can perceive threats that aren’t actually there, because well… something’s different. When we give ourselves time to sit with an uncomfortable sensation, we give our nervous system space to distinguish between a real and perceived threat.

That’s where resilience is built.

Things we avoid because we believe we can’t handle them start to transform into expanded capacity. When you allow yourself to move through discomfort — instead of around it — your body begins to encode wisdom about what is and isn’t truly a threat.

One of the main reasons we blanket-avoid discomfort is because we’re not practiced at being with it. And when we’re not practiced, we never develop the skill of discernment.

If we avoid all discomfort, we dull our ability to feel nuance. We lose access to the subtle information inside the sensation itself.

Is this relationship actually toxic? Or is this a moment for growth with my partner?
Am I truly at capacity? Or am I playing small?

When we don’t give our nervous system the opportunity to encode this kind of wisdom, we don’t become safer… we become less discerning. And that ultimately leaves us vulnerable to real danger.

And lastly, Edgar Brumaire nailed it with this one.

How often is discomfort itself actually the problem?

That’s rhetorical, btw. The answer is almost never.

Our resistance to it is just another mechanism of control. A way of trying to manage our bodies, our minds, our situations, our relationships.

But what if we chose surrender instead?
What if we stopped trying to fix the discomfort?

What might we find once those layers of control are removed?

More often than not, we find truth.
Acknowledgment.
Knowledge.
Wisdom.
And, ultimately, a choice about how to move forward.

That’s really what’s waiting for us in the discomfort. The clarity that returns our agency.

Sheikh Pervez Hameed How’d I do? 😉

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